top of page

3 Tips For Surviving October as a Loss Parent

Updated: Oct 7, 2022

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It's a month that is full of social media posts and announcements. Everywhere you look someone is talking about miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. This is a wonderful way to increase awareness and shed light on the fact that these losses still happen. But it's also a whole month of reminders, pictures of babies who are no longer alive, and heartbreaking stories. This can carry a heavy emotional weight on anyone, but it is even heavier for those who have already been through loss. Each picture brings us back to that day. Each story brings up the memory of our own loss. Every time.

So what then? What do we do for an entire month? How do we navigate this emotional heaviness that we feel? Here are three suggestions to help you find peace, comfort, and strength through this difficult month.

  1. You Do Not Have to Be the Spokesperson

Some people find comfort and release in sharing, and other do not. That's ok. If you love to share pictures of your precious baby on Facebook and Instagram, do so. Your baby is beautiful and they are your baby. You should be able to share about them just as you would a living child. There shouldn't be a difference.

If you do not feel comfortable sharing, or just aren't ready yet, that is also ok. You do not have to the be the spokesperson for all bereaved parents to your online community. You're love for your baby is a special and beautiful thing. It exists regardless of who knows about it. It's your choice who you share it with, you should never feel pressured to share when you don't want to. It should always be on your terms. When you're ready.

If you feel guilt or uncertainty, maybe find one person to tell. Writing a letter to your baby can also bring a lot of comfort. Explain to them that you love them, that you're not ashamed or embarrassed by them, but that you're just not ready to share them.

2. Take a Break

It's ok to take a break from social media. You can make a post explaining to people that you will be unavailable for the month of October. Sometimes it's just best to remove ourselves from the things that hurt us. If this is too far, maybe set time limits. Maybe just 20 minutes a day or less. Or maybe just check in briefly in the mornings or just before bed. Limit your exposure. Find someone to hold you accountable. Unfollow certain people or groups for a while. I promise it'll be ok. Don't feel bad or guilty. Take care of yourself, give your heart a break. It's ok.

Maybe with your extra time that you now have, spend it doing something to honor your baby. Maybe volunteer at a children's home or hospital. Bake cookies for work. Create a special art piece or write a special poem for your baby. This month can still be a special month with you spending time honoring and remembering your baby, but on your terms and in a way that is kind and gentle on your heart.

3. Self Care

Spend some time this month taking care of your needs. Grief has a strong effect on our emotional, physical, and spiritual health. It's time to focus on all three.

For your emotional health- maybe this is the month you finally sign up for counseling. Maybe this is the month you finally tell your partner how you really feel. Maybe this is the month you share what happened with your close friends and family. Maybe you start journaling. Maybe you scream at the top of your lungs and get out all that anger you've been holding in all these years. Now is the time. Your emotional well-being matters. You matter.

For your physical health- you can participate in some mindfulness with your body. Where are you carrying your stress? Where are you carrying your grief? Is your body tense and exhausted? Does your heart and chest ache? This month, spend some time gaining awareness of how your loss has affected your body. Do a full body scan, going from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. Find your grief, find the tightness, the ache, the pain. And then work on releasing it. Relax your body, release the tension. Maybe this is the month you allow your body to relax and finally find some peace for your grieving body.

For your spiritual health- maybe this is the month you finally start meditation. Maybe this is the month you finally talk to God about your loss. Maybe you tell him how angry you are, how none of this makes sense, how much you miss your baby. He can take whatever you throw at him. Maybe this is the month you finally have that chat with your minister, priest, imam, rabbi. Maybe you start a habit of reading the Bible, Quran, or another spiritual book in the morning. Maybe this is the month you become aware of how your loss has affected your spiritual health. And maybe this is the month you finally talk to someone about it and feed yourself spiritually.

Maybe we make the month of October not just about posting on social media. Let's make it more than that. Let's make October a month where we care for ourselves and others. We spread awareness of not just that losses happen, but we spread awareness of what we need to find comfort and healing. We spread self awareness of the pains of grief, but also the steps we can take to find healing and meaning.

Together, we can get through this month. Together, we can thrive, grow, and find peace this month.

October, we're ready for you.

Looking for more information, ideas, or just need someone to talk to? Please reach out. I'm here to help. Please check out Beloved Angels Doula for more info.

11 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page